Outgrowing Isn’t Betraying

I’ve been asked about boundaries and where and how I draw the line between “running away from the problem(s)” or “not taking any more shit to protect my peace”. Here’s my answer…

There’s a version of me that tolerated things I would never accept today. Not because I was weak, but because I hadn’t grown into myself yet. I didn’t know how to set boundaries without feeling guilty. I didn’t know that protecting my peace was more important than keeping the peace. I didn’t know that love shouldn’t feel like constantly shrinking yourself to fit into someone else’s expectations, and maybe that’s the hardest truth I have had to sit with. Realizing I once accepted less than I deserved.

One of the most painful parts of healing has been recognizing that not everyone is meant to grow with you. I HATED when my therapist first told me this because of the fact I felt regret, the love I have/had for them, the memories, or the the mere fact that they held such an important place in my heart. Some people were only meant for a chapter of my life, not the whole story whether it was my doing or theirs. That doesn’t erase the memories, the love, or the impact they had, it just means our paths are no longer aligned.

Growth will change you.

It will change what you tolerate, what you prioritize, and what you’re willing to carry. And when that happens, some relationships will feel heavier than they used to. Conversations will feel forced. Energy will feel off.

You’ll start to notice what drains you instead of what fulfills you, and that awareness can feel lonely at first because choosing yourself sometimes means choosing distance. It means saying no when you used to say yes. It means walking away from what’s familiar, even when it hurts.

I will say, staying somewhere you’ve outgrown hurts too… just in a quieter, slower way.

You’re not wrong for needing more.
You’re not selfish for wanting better.
You’re not disloyal for evolving.

You’re becoming.

And becoming requires letting go of anything that asks you to stay who you used to be.