Surviving the Chaos: Mental Health, Absent or High Conflict Parents, and Learning to Stand Our Ground.

For those who grew up in broken or blended families, the chaos starts young — two homes, two sets of rules, different expectations, different moods. You learn to adapt, to read the room, to carry pieces of each environment with you. You think you’ve experienced it all… until you grow up, start a family of your own, and realize your children may now walk some of the same emotional terrain you once did.

This isn’t a post about blaming anyone for a marriage ending or a relationship falling apart. Instead, it’s about the mental and emotional reality of co-parenting, the impact of absent or high-conflict parents, and what it takes to learn to stand your ground — for your own well-being and for the children at the center of it all.

Growing Up Blended and Becoming a Parent Myself

I grew up in a broken and later blended family. Now I’m a mom to one and a stepmom to three, married to a man who also comes from a similar background. Together, we’ve tried to take the lessons from our childhoods — the good, the painful, and the unspoken — and use them to shape a healthier environment for our kids.

My husband is an incredible dad, and he knows every bit of my past. We built our life with intention and honesty. But we’ve also found ourselves in a storm neither of us fully expected: he is currently fighting a high-conflict custody battle with someone who often makes co-parenting nearly impossible.

To note, we don’t paint him as a victim. He’s human, imperfect, and growing — just like the rest of us, and that doesn’t justify him not having the ability to parent his children.

The Mental Toll of Broken Homes and Broken Communication

It’s said that the way parents carry themselves, communicate, and treat each other shapes the world their children grow up in. That’s true. When a relationship ends, children feel that shift deeply — and their emotional universe can suddenly feel uncertain or unstable.

In my own journey, I stayed in a relationship longer than I should have because I was told it would be “better for my son” not to grow up in a broken home. But staying together doesn’t guarantee stability or happiness — and after all of the pain that bloomed from the lies, waiting for him to be the man and father his son and I needed him to be at that time, the kindest thing we did was walk away. With the both of us walking away, we have been able to find true happiness and show our son what love looks and feels like despite his mom and dad not being together. We chose this opportunity to be the best versions of ourselves as parents and that is who our son deserves.

My husband went through something similar. The person he created a family with changed as their life grew more complicated. Control became her driving force in their home, and his voice slowly disappeared. A healthy partnership requires communication, shared decisions, and listening. Without that, the emotional weight can become unbearable — and the kids feel it most.

The Fight for Connection

During the last couple of years, my husband relocated for work, gained experience in his field, and made sacrifices to create a stronger future for his children. Even through distance and with every effort he has made, he stayed connected — only to face broken promises and shifting expectations from the other parent.

Now that we live close to his kids, we show up more frequently to activities, school events, and any moment they’ll let us be part of, yet the barriers created by alienation and conflict make every step harder than it needs to be.

It’s heartbreaking to witness how conflict between adults can affect the bonds between parents and children, but we refuse to stop fighting — not just in court, but for our relationships, healing, and the long-term well-being of the kids.

Why I Stand My Ground

As a mother, I struggle to understand not wanting both parents involved in your child’s life. I’ve made mistakes, and my son’s dad did too, but our split belonged to us. It was never our son’s burden to carry, and we’ve fought to keep it that way.

We learned how to work together. How to raise our energetic, resilient kid as a team. How to give him the life he deserves — and the parents he deserves.

And that’s why I stand my ground.
Because children need more than a household — they need emotional stability, communication, and parents who are willing to grow.

Choosing Healing Over Chaos

Broken homes don’t have to create broken kids. What shapes them most isn’t the split — it’s the choices we make afterward. It’s how we communicate, how we handle conflict, how we prioritize mental health, and how willing we are to put the child above the chaos.

My husband and I grew up learning how to survive instability. Now we’re learning how to build something better:
A home where voices are heard.
Where co-parenting is rooted in teamwork, not power.
Where boundaries protect peace rather than punish anyone.
Where kids are free to love both parents without guilt.

This is the journey — messy, emotional, imperfect — of surviving the chaos and learning to stand our ground.

This post is dedicated to my loving husband and the best father I’ve ever known, Ryan, and our four beautiful, strong children.